Sparring techniques.

Which technique do you use most often?

Sparring technique 1: Self deprecation.

Me: Nobody is stupider than me.

Friend: You can't beat me. I boiled the milk over for the n'th time today.

Me: Yeah? Beat this. I locked myself out of the house for the n'th time.

Friend: Yeah? I went all the way to work this morning in my bathroom slippers.

And so on..

Now, consider someone who cannot spar, then this conversation becomes:

Me: Nobody is stupider than me.

Friend: Oh.

See how that conversation just fizzled out?

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Sparring technique 2: Self-aggrandizement

Me: You know me. I walk into a room and poof problem's solved. (Note: That is one of my favorite lines delivered by Elaine in Seinfeld)

Husband: Yeah, right. Like you fixed the tap the other day and flooded the bathroom.

Me: Oh, please. At least I didn't forget plastic in my oven and turn it on.

Husband: Who butted into cousin A's room when she was arguing with her husband and worsened the fight? (I didn't know they were fighting and I didn't do anything to worsen the fight and it was not that big a deal. They are still living happily together. OK!)

And so on..

Now consider the conversation with one who cannot or does not spar.

Me: You know me. I walk into a room and poof problem solved.

Friend: *Silence* (might be thinking *self-obsessed b@#$%)

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Sparring technique 3: Leg pulling time-pass

Me: Hey A, why are you taking so many pictures of me?

B: She is just trying to get some pictures for her blog.

A: You see I'm not that photogenic anyway to be in my own pictures.

Me: Oh, really? Pray tell me, who is modeling away all her sarees on Facebook?

And so on..

Now consider this version.

Me: Hey A, why are you taking so many pictures of me?

Friend: I like photography.

And that's the end of that.

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Sparring techinque 4: Sarcasm

Me: Arggh, the glare. *mock shielding my eyes from the friend who went and bought himself a supremely flashy phone*

He: Arggh, the humor. *mock shielding his eyes from me*

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Sparring technique 5: Political incorrectness

Me: Why are the Yellow pages called *yellow* pages?

Friend: May be because the Chinese manufactured it?

Me: Ahh, if we had manufactured it, it would be called *Brown* pages? :D

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Sparring technique 6: Facts (more or less)

Friend: Let's go to this restaurant today. (Said restaurant is 40 miles from home)

Me: Whaa? Too far.

Friend: Far? You have changed! From someone who used to fly coast to coast every month before marriage..

Me: And looks like you haven't. You are so used to flying sorties to ferry girls to their destinations in school.

Blah blah.. 

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Arggghh moment!

These days I'm trying to be friends with a few people on the in-laws' side. When in social situations with them, I'm tired of just going through the same old formal routines every time. I meet them often but still I'm not friends with them in any sense of the word. I watch what I say and I'm wary of joking even in good humor with them. You might be wondering why this is so important to me and I do not know if I can explain my reasons well but for one, it is just taxing to not be yourself and always be watchful of what you say. Two, a conversation needs to have that zing to make it interesting. It is hard to make it interesting if you have to always be complimentary and agreeable. Three, what's a relationship if you can't have a few laughs at your own or others' expense? :) I was just thinking back about other friendships and how those came about. I realized that I'm most comfortable with people with whom I can spar. Yes, the timeless tactic of verbal offense and defense seems to be an integral part of relationships where I'm reasonably comfortable with the people involved. I'm not a goody two-shoes kind of person. I'm usually crude and goofy with friends, letting fly quick repartees. It is only then that I can kickback, relax and have a good time. But said people are mostly the goody two-shoes type or at least that is what they like to portray. I'm having such a hard time cracking this as I get nothing back when I attempt humor in conversations -- be it self-deprecatory or self-aggrandized or simple leg pulling or any other kind. As cliché-d as it may seem, our wavelengths are completely mismatched. Argghh. What do you do in such situations?

What is your idea of heaven?

1. Recchiuti, San Francisco
   
2. La Maison Du Chocolat, London
   
3. Spruengli, Zurich
   
4. Richart, Paris
   
5. Kodaikanal homemade (Couldn't find them online)
   

A colleague is visiting Kodaikanal and I recommended the chocolates to him. That is where the chocolate-y lunch discussion started at work and ended with people listing their favorite chocolate stores around the world. What is yours?

Scout update

In recent developments, Scout has learnt to use his index finger (pointer) to point to things that catch his attention. He has learnt to say 'adu' (for 'that'). He has learnt to shake his head sideways meaning "no". Now combine all the three together for everyday situations at the Average household. 

Scout: "adu" *pointing finger in general direction of ball, choo-choo train, book etc.*

Amma: "ball-aa?"

Scout: *shakes head sideways*

Amma: "choo-choo aa?"

Scout: *shakes head sideways*

Amma: "book aa?"

Scout: *shakes head sideways*

Amma: *finally catching on* phone-aa?

Scout: "adu.. adu.. adu" *outstretched arms and a mouthful of smiles, grabs phone and proceeds with his business*

Then there was the time the Scout was pointing to Appa and going "adu.. adu". Appa was kicked that his son was asking for him and could be seen running in filmy slow-motion to embrace the son, only to realize that the son was actually going "adu.. adu" for Appa's glasses and not for Appa really. Amma was smirking and declaring that this incident had unquestionably demonstrated son's affinity towards the madre. But even before she could stop preening at the victory, the son made it clear that when he pointed to her and went "adu.. adu", he was only angling for her earrings and not for her. By and large this "adu.. adu" business seems to be showing everyone their rightful place in the household. Ah, well.. I'm waiting for the time I can park a used battered Honda Civic next to a spanking new BMW and tell him "Son, here's your gift from us as you go off to college" and point in the general direction of the cars and say "adu.. adu". :D

Voiceless

Lost real voice completely, virtual voice somewhat, while the voices in my head are as loud as usual. Scout is confused. GI is sometimes relieved, sometimes exasperated. In the universal list of ailments, I can check Laryngitis off.

Wedding limericks (tag)

MFT's post reminded me of this game played in weddings where you are asked by aunties and others to "take" your new partner's name by making up a limerick. I believe, like most other games meant for weddings, this helped to build camaraderie between the bride and the groom in the days when people got married without having known each other. 

Here's my (apology of a) limerick from our wedding. 

My husband <GI> knows a Meena

He even knows a Reena

But I have his keys

And also the house lease

Am I not the queen-ha?

Gah, I shudder at how juvenile it seems now. [But Hey! they don't give you even a few minutes before they all gang up on you to make one up right that second.]

I'm forcefully tagging chox, mft, mim and sands to take this up as a tag and kick my lame limerick ass. 

Why I want to have a second one.

There might be many reasons but right now, my top reason to have a second one is so that the Scout has company when he sleeps in his own room at night. Yeah, my 10 month old has moved into his own room for various reasons, but mostly because he sleeps better when he doesn't see me! Yeah, that's right, as non-intuitive as it might sound. The minute he sees either of us, even in the dark room in the night, he stands up in his crib and gets either excited or cranky, wanting us to hold him. So we decided to try making him sleep in the other room and although I'm not thrilled with the fact, I should say he has been sleeping much better over there, which means we have been sleeping better and everybody is bright and cheerful in the mornings. Baby moving to the other room has somehow resulted in a well-rested, happier family. So far so good. But then when I'm about to drift off to sleep and the night is getting cold and I think about him sleeping all alone by himself, I feel it in my gut that there is something not right about this. I want to give him the company of another. He needs someone he can secretly whisper to, someone with whom he can share his fear of monsters, someone who is just there with him in the same room. Argggh! Damn these maternal instincts. I sure am going to wonder in a few years as to what hit me on the head to get so naively sentimental about it all.