Sparring techniques.

Which technique do you use most often?

Sparring technique 1: Self deprecation.

Me: Nobody is stupider than me.

Friend: You can't beat me. I boiled the milk over for the n'th time today.

Me: Yeah? Beat this. I locked myself out of the house for the n'th time.

Friend: Yeah? I went all the way to work this morning in my bathroom slippers.

And so on..

Now, consider someone who cannot spar, then this conversation becomes:

Me: Nobody is stupider than me.

Friend: Oh.

See how that conversation just fizzled out?

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Sparring technique 2: Self-aggrandizement

Me: You know me. I walk into a room and poof problem's solved. (Note: That is one of my favorite lines delivered by Elaine in Seinfeld)

Husband: Yeah, right. Like you fixed the tap the other day and flooded the bathroom.

Me: Oh, please. At least I didn't forget plastic in my oven and turn it on.

Husband: Who butted into cousin A's room when she was arguing with her husband and worsened the fight? (I didn't know they were fighting and I didn't do anything to worsen the fight and it was not that big a deal. They are still living happily together. OK!)

And so on..

Now consider the conversation with one who cannot or does not spar.

Me: You know me. I walk into a room and poof problem solved.

Friend: *Silence* (might be thinking *self-obsessed b@#$%)

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Sparring technique 3: Leg pulling time-pass

Me: Hey A, why are you taking so many pictures of me?

B: She is just trying to get some pictures for her blog.

A: You see I'm not that photogenic anyway to be in my own pictures.

Me: Oh, really? Pray tell me, who is modeling away all her sarees on Facebook?

And so on..

Now consider this version.

Me: Hey A, why are you taking so many pictures of me?

Friend: I like photography.

And that's the end of that.

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Sparring techinque 4: Sarcasm

Me: Arggh, the glare. *mock shielding my eyes from the friend who went and bought himself a supremely flashy phone*

He: Arggh, the humor. *mock shielding his eyes from me*

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Sparring technique 5: Political incorrectness

Me: Why are the Yellow pages called *yellow* pages?

Friend: May be because the Chinese manufactured it?

Me: Ahh, if we had manufactured it, it would be called *Brown* pages? :D

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Sparring technique 6: Facts (more or less)

Friend: Let's go to this restaurant today. (Said restaurant is 40 miles from home)

Me: Whaa? Too far.

Friend: Far? You have changed! From someone who used to fly coast to coast every month before marriage..

Me: And looks like you haven't. You are so used to flying sorties to ferry girls to their destinations in school.

Blah blah.. 

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