Friday, November 6, 2009

Sparring techniques.

Which technique do you use most often?

Sparring technique 1: Self deprecation.
Me: Nobody is stupider than me.
Friend: You can't beat me. I boiled the milk over for the n'th time today.
Me: Yeah? Beat this. I locked myself out of the house for the n'th time.
Friend: Yeah? I went all the way to work this morning in my bathroom slippers.
And so on..

Now, consider someone who cannot spar, then this conversation becomes:
Me: Nobody is stupider than me.
Friend: Oh.
See how that conversation just fizzled out?

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Sparring technique 2: Self-aggrandizement
Me: You know me. I walk into a room and poof problem's solved. (Note: That is one of my favorite lines delivered by Elaine in Seinfeld)
Husband: Yeah, right. Like you fixed the tap the other day and flooded the bathroom.
Me: Oh, please. At least I didn't forget plastic in my oven and turn it on.
Husband: Who butted into cousin A's room when she was arguing with her husband and worsened the fight? (I didn't know they were fighting and I didn't do anything to worsen the fight and it was not that big a deal. They are still living happily together. OK!)
And so on..

Now consider the conversation with one who cannot or does not spar.
Me: You know me. I walk into a room and poof problem solved.
Friend: *Silence* (might be thinking *self-obsessed b@#$%)

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Sparring technique 3: Leg pulling time-pass
Me: Hey A, why are you taking so many pictures of me?
B: She is just trying to get some pictures for her blog.
A: You see I'm not that photogenic anyway to be in my own pictures.
Me: Oh, really? Pray tell me, who is modeling away all her sarees on Facebook?
And so on..

Now consider this version.
Me: Hey A, why are you taking so many pictures of me?
Friend: I like photography.
And that's the end of that.

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Sparring techinque 4: Sarcasm
Me: Arggh, the glare. *mock shielding my eyes from the friend who went and bought himself a supremely flashy phone*
He: Arggh, the humor. *mock shielding his eyes from me*

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Sparring technique 5: Political incorrectness
Me: Why are the Yellow pages called *yellow* pages?
Friend: May be because the Chinese manufactured it?
Me: Ahh, if we had manufactured it, it would be called *Brown* pages? :D

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Sparring technique 6: Facts (more or less)
Friend: Let's go to this restaurant today. (Said restaurant is 40 miles from home)
Me: Whaa? Too far.
Friend: Far? You have changed! From someone who used to fly coast to coast every month before marriage..
Me: And looks like you haven't. You are so used to flying sorties to ferry girls to their destinations in school.
Blah blah.. 

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6 comments:

  1. who is now modeling sarees on fb? I want to get added to your profile ;)

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  2. LOL, Sands. That was the 1st thing that caught my eye too. @AJ: Pliss to do some modelling on blog too. Atleast headless shots..

    My most-used sparring technique might be: talking to person A with discreet references to person B (who must also be around. Else where is the fun)

    Eg: During a game of cards, we caught a couple cheating (on the cards game only). When caught, the wife said she accidentally dropped the cards. The rest of the evening "accidentally" becomes the key word.

    Me to husband: Can you get up and get me a roti? No? Not even on accident?
    Me to friend: Hey, I had 2 jamuns on my plate.. Did you accidentally eat one of them?


    .. and so on.

    and LOL on some of the non-sparring responses in your post :-))

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  3. @Sands / TPL: LOL. I'm not the one modeling anything on FB. It was the friend we were leg-pulling.. :)

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  4. awesome read!! :)

    yeah i do this sporadic catching up kinda thing! not stalking ya!

    just in case!

    :P

    ReplyDelete